It was so fun and such an honor to speak at the 2013 “Listen to Your Mother” event. The women there opened their hearts and shared from the very depths.
Here is mine.
Bethlehem’s Mother’s Day piece
Bethlehem joined our family when she was 7 years old. She came to us from an orphanage in Ethiopia where she lived with her 4 year-old brother, Tomas. Her hair had a reddish tint to it, she was so malnourished. Her face had numerous white patches we were told were “vitiligo,” which we were told was a condition with no “cure.” (Obviously, “they” were wrong.)
I love her name – Bethlehem Magdalena. Isn’t that wonderful? She is a beautiful person, inside and out, who has overcome tremendous obstacles. She has a remarkable eye for fashion and especially creating awesome outfits on a budget. She is outgoing, gregarious and beloved by her friends.
Kristiana’s Mother’s Day piece
As I mentioned, three of my girls gave amazing Mother’s Day talks. I posted Katie’s yesterday. Today is Kristiana’s.
Kristiana is almost 17 and was adopted from Russia when she was 19 months old. She has matured into a lovely young woman – smart, funny, popular and kind, Kristiana has a heart of gold – and it’s tightly tied to her tear ducts. She is the crier of the family and we love her for her sensitive, tender nature.
Katie’s Mother’s Day piece
Yesterday had to be one of the BEST in my 26 years of being a Mom. Three of my teenage daughters spoke in church. None would let me read what they prepared ahead of time. All of them made me cry. It was one of those moments when years of doggedly staying in the arena we call parenting paid off.
Katie, age 17, is remarkably gifted as an artist and is especially talented as a photographer but excels in other areas as well. She loves country music (must be genetic, because it certainly was not environmental!), loves horses, can be carried away by books and is rock-solid in her beliefs (also known as stubborn and something that I not only love but encourage.)
Everything I need to know I learned from being a mother
All of my growing up years, as far back as I can remember, I was fascinated by babies. I loved them. I couldn’t get enough of them, and like many little girls, I dreamed of the day I would be a mother.
As the oldest of 6 kids, I got in lots of practice and really honed my skills. Heck – I even washed out poopy diapers in the toilet. I was doing overnight babysitting from the time I was 15. Mothering was going to be a breeze.
I am mother. Hear me roar.
I’m a mother. I’ve been one for 26 years. As a mom, I’ve worn many hats and learned all kinds of stuff they don’t teach you in books. What’s that saying? “Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.”
Well, I have 4 times that many children and at least one theory: That being a Mom is an adventure of a lifetime.
Loving Angelia
Have you ever wondered why any mother would voluntarily choose to get her heart broken?
I’m sure every mother knows what it’s like to check on a sleeping baby, just to make sure they’re still breathing.
I’m also pretty sure every mother knows what it’s like to have her heart skip a beat when she wonders for just an instant what life would be like if she lost that precious child.
Some mothers – far too many of them – DO know the devastating grief of burying a child. They have lived through long, anguished nights wondering “Why me?!” and “If only….” Only those mothers who have walked that path know the soul-crushing pain that leaves you breathless and drained – as if you had run a marathon uphill, in the rain, with no preparation.
So why would any mother voluntarily choose to adopt a child she knows will die? Why would she put herself through that kind of pain? Is she crazy? Is she a saint? Would you believe me if I told you the answer was neither craziness nor sainthood but simply love?
At least it was for me.
In the early summer of 2007, my husband and I had a full house – 13 kids at home, to be exact. With 4 by birth and then 19 by adoption, you could say we had our hands full. Not all 23 lived with us – 3 were stuck in Africa waiting for US visas that have never come, several were grown and gone and 2 of our daughters had passed away.
In the middle of June, I got an email forwarded from a forward, desperately seeking a family for a little girl who had just been born. This baby was missing most of her brain and would be severely disabled all of her short life – and she needed a family.
My heart leapt at that email and I knew that sweet baby was meant to be my daughter. Every child deserves to be loved and cherished and I knew we could offer this baby a lifetime of love.
As a family, we decided we wanted her to join us and when she was 9 days old, she came home from the hospital, straight into our hearts.. Because of her diagnosis of hydranencephaly – meaning she had fluid where most of her brain was supposed to be – and her prognosis of a very short life, where 50% of the kids with hydranencephaly never even see their first birthday, we made a conscious effort to treasure every moment we had with her.
We named her Angelia for the sweet angel that she was. She couldn’t sit up or roll over – or even hold her head up, but she could be held and loved and – so she was! That sweet baby was held almost every second she was awake. I typed many a blog post with her on my lap and when all the other kids were at school, the two of us would laugh and giggle and sing – and even twirl around the living room. And pink – there was lots and lots of pink – pink ruffles, pink bows, pink fingernails, pink toes….
I knew there would be a coming day of sorrow, but I did not guard my heart or hold back in loving her. In fact, I opened my heart as wide as I could. I poured myself into her. I cherished her. I adored her – and I wanted her to know it. She was blind and could never see my face, but she felt it every day as I held her close to me. I touched her and talked to her, held her and even sang to her for hours – even though that’s not something I’m particularly talented in.
When she was 3 ½, she left us on a cold February morning. My heart broke into a million pieces, as I knew it would.
It remains one of the hardest losses I have ever experienced. The tenderness has lingered longer and the tears still come regularly – and yet I have never, ever, regretted adopting our sweet Angelia.
We all do hard things because the trade-offs are worth it.
Some people train for – and complete – marathons, trading sore muscles, blisters, fatigue, running in bad weather and hours of precious time because it’s worth it. Virtuosos trade years of their lives to become experts in their craft. Young married couples sacrifice time and money now as they work 2 jobs to pay for school so that later, their family is provided for in a comfortable manner. For me, loving Angelia was worth the trade-off in grief.
Every long, lonely night, every tear-stained pillow, every bout of empty, aching arms that long to hold her, EVERY MOMENT of sorrow is STILL worth the trade-off in the joy and love she brought to our home, the joy and love that came to me as her mama and the joy and love I believe she felt during her life with us.
I would do it all again – in a heartbeat. Not because I’m crazy or a Saint or have some special talent.
Simply because LOVE is worth it.
Random things about me, part deux
More randomness. 🙂
*If money were no object, I’d buy an embroidery machine to play with. $6000+
*I was on a school gymnastics team in France.
*I was a cheerleader in 7th grade in the US – the only one from my elementary school to make the team.
*I also got mono that year . . . (no, not from kissing)
*I spoke French like a native, back in the day (when I lived there). Completely fluent, no accent. Now I cringe when I hear myself. Dang.
*I can wiggle my ears.
*I lived in Virginia when they desegregated the schools and my best friend was bussed across town.
*I was in a BYU ward with Kenneth Cope.
*I love, love, love baby shoes.
*I also love shoes for me. I’ve significantly expanded my collection in the last couple of years.
*People with disabilities – especially children – used to terrify me. I knew God would never send me a child with disabilities, ’cause I knew I couldn’t handle it.
*I’ve been to a leprosy hospital.
*I’ve driven past the fistula hospital in Ethiopia.
*I got giardia in Ethiopia. Now THAT was fun. Not.
*I’ve been followed by the mafia in Russia (and probably other places as well).
*I have no idea how much a normal-sized family eats for a normal meal. 🙂
*I can’t knit, crochet, tat, or weave. I can, however, cross-stitch and sew.
*I hate jig-saw puzzles. They both frustrate and bore me.
*I have NO eye-hand coordination. It’s an ADD thing. Seriously.
*One of my favorite movies is Amazing Grace. I love the anti-slavery message, but also the other message – the political game has been the same for hundreds of years.
*I don’t like it when people think I’m a saint and/or crazy. I’m neither, actually.
*I’ve carried almost $10,000 in cash on my person. Gotta love the early days of international adoption . . . (OK, early days in Eastern Europe at least.)
*I’ve climbed all 600+ steps to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
*I’ve spent time exploring Paris with my son, but not my hubby.
*I’ve seen real third-world suffering up close and personal and have twinges of guilt for living in a home that could house at least 100 orphans in Africa . . . .
*I have more pictures than I have wall space in my home. And I have a lot of wall space.
*I had 20 kids at home at my peak.
*And 5 in diapers at my peak.
*We took a family vacation that lasted 7 weeks and covered 7000 miles. For 5 of those weeks, I was the only adult taking 21 kids on a grand adventure. We all survived.
*I washed a mouse in the washing machine . . .
*I’m allergic to all animals that don’t live in water, yet we have 2 rabbits, 3 cats and about 40 chickens because they’re good for the kids . . .
*I haven’t had any cola products at all for over 30 years.
*I get 5 hours of sleep on a good night. Lately, it’s been enough (almost).
*I have thousands of dollars of scrapbook supplies sitting unused . . . Someday . . .
*I have enough fabric to run a small store.
*I have tablecloths, kitchen curtains and decor to change our look 9 times a year.
*Our table is 8 feet wide and 12 feet long. (It’s actually 4 normal tables pushed together.)
*My favorite color is pink, preferably hot pink, and has been my entire life.
*My earliest memory was when I was around 16 months old.
*I really don’t like pie.
*I don’t like to cry and don’t do it often.
*I used to be a blonde in college. 🙂
Random things about me, part one
Random assortment of facts. Let me know what surprised you, made you laugh or shake your head . . .
*I met Princess Grace and Cary Grant at the palace in Monaco
*I never finished high school. I “dropped out” and went to college, where I graduated with a degree in nursing at age 19.
*I’ve had training in and sometimes certified in: childbirth ed (through ICEA and Hypnobirthing), doula work (through DONA), doula instructor, 40-hours on becoming a lactation consultant, infant massage instructor, professional midwifery, master gardener, master food preserver, fetal heart rate monitoring, neonatal resuscitation, parenting attachment-disordered children (multiple trainings, actually). (And I’m an RN) See a pattern here?
*I took childbirth educator training from Penny Simkin in Seattle.
*I was an adjunct professor at BYU for several years.
*I am a morning person.
*I pull more all-nighters now than I ever did in college.
*I have ADD (no, really!?)
*I collect dolls from all over the world. The first doll in my collection was from Vietnam and was given to me by my Dad who flew reconnaissance during the Vietnam War.
*I’m an Air Force brat.
*I have two brothers that went to the Air Force Academy. Both are now in the reserves. One flew an F-15 Strike Eagle in the early days of the Iraqi war.
*My first boyfriend was French. (I was living there at the time.)
*Real French bread will make Americans’ gums bleed.
*I love dark chocolate until it gets so dark it sets your teeth on edge.
*Russian chocolate has got to be the worst in the world.
*I’ve been on an airplane with chickens as carry-ons.
*I love to sew, but avoid zippers whenever I can because I don’t feel like I’ve ever quite mastered them.
*I love to cook and try several new recipes every month – sometimes every week.
*I have been to 28 countries (unless I forgot some), including at least one that no longer exists.
*I have kids from 8 countries.
*I love to read. Love, love, love to read. I’ve resisted digital books because there is just something so REAL about holding them.
*I was terribly shy and unsure of myself when I married my husband. Oh, how times have changed!
*I’ve been married (to the same man) for over 1/2 my life.
*I had an LDS mission call to Quebec Canada, French speaking, humanitarian mission. However, 4 months between call and reporting date proved to be about 2 months too long and I was engaged to Greg half-way through.
*My first date with Greg was to Burger King. The day I got my mission call.
*I worked full-time graveyards while dating Greg and for the first couple of years we were married.
*I’ve been in 3 roll-over accidents.
*I used to be an avid skier and even went spring-skiing in a swimsuit and snow pants.
*I’m allergic to milk and most milk products. Bummer.
*I’m also allergic to gluten. That’s a REAL bummer!
*We have over 3000 books and probably at least 1/3 that amount in videos/DVD’s . . .
*I am the oldest of 6 kids – girl, two boys, girl, twin boys.
*I used to wash out poopy diapers in the toilet for my mom. Oh the joys. Even after that, I tried cloth diapers myself on child #7. I lasted about 2 months.
Just one of those days
Today is just one of those days.
After 10 days off, the kids all went back to school – or were supposed to. Joshua overslept and missed his bus and since we currently have no way to transport his power chair, there was no way to get him there.
Katie’s bus was super late and after 25 minutes in 2-degree weather, she came home for me to give her a ride.
Kristiana’s ride forgot to stop by to get her, she got her fingers slammed in the car door and she was almost 1/2 hour late. [Read more…]
